When The People and Things You Love Take You Away From The Writing You Love (A Love Letter)

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The vase in the Fresh Love coffee shop where I ate breakfast with Henry in the mornings.

Dear lovelies,

Almost every day since January 1^st, I’ve risen around 5, gotten my cup of coffee and headed for my desk, where I open my computer, take a quick look at email (usually nothing much since nobody in my time zone is up yet) and then go to work on my goal of writing 1,000 words on my novel. When I’m finished, I note the results in the spreadsheet (even though they make me twitchy) that I copied from Matt Bell. And then I gloat. And I’m happy the rest of the day.

But this week that all came to a loud and screeching halt. The reason for that was that my daughter left town for warmer climes. (Palm Springs, to be exact, the one in California that’s full of mid-century architecture, swimming pools, and old people seeking the sun.) Those of us who remained at home assumed the job of waking, feeding, dressing (or supervising said chores for the older boys), and delivering three boys to three different schools.

Gawd. Once upon a time I did this on the regular, every morning to be precise, and I have no idea how. 

Leaving the house these mornings when I’m usually at my desk with the shades still drawn made me realize something. Overall, in my life lately, I’ve been out a ton more. Lots more lunch dates with friends and my sister. Physical therapy sessions. Good old-fashioned normal errands, like shopping for a friend’s birthday present or groceries. Being out more has crept up on me gradually.  One of the friends I had lunch with commented how getting used to being social and doing things in the world after the pandemic had been hard to get used to and she still wasn’t fully back to where she was. And I agreed.

So suddenly here I am doing all these things out in the world and still having to fit in my work (thank goodness I enjoy flexible hours) as a book coach and writing teacher and writer of newsletters. And, oh yeah, my writing. In my mid-week extra on Wednesday, I talked about establishing a practice of writing every day. And I defined what daily writing is for me: it’s the thing I most want to write but least have the time for. In my case, that’s novels.

This week without my morning writing fix and way more appointments and social events than usual has reminded me that finding balance is hard. It’s hard to find time and even harder to find the mental and emotional bandwidth to spend on writing. There was something nice about those pandemic days when you didn’t have so many choices to make because you didn’t have anywhere to go. But those days are long gone (four years ago this week the whole thing started) and we have a new normal to contend with.

And here’s what else I remembered: the people and things we love in life take us away from our writing, and yet they also give us something to write about.

Because, although I complained about it mightily, my brief change in routine was actually fun. One big bonus was the chance to share a breakfast sandwich (with egg, gouda, tomato, avocado and lime sauce, so good) with my eldest grandchild, age 12, every morning at the local coffee shop, since his school starts late. (Smart for sleepy middle-schoolers.)

And while there with him, I noticed how the sun broke through the clouds and shone through the window and lit the little vase of flowers on the table. I took a picture of it. I listened to Henry tell me about how best to solve a Rubik’s cube, the cube lube he’d ordered that smelled like Ramen, how he couldn’t wait to enter an upcoming cube competition. I marveled at how I never would have known any of this if not for this time with him away from my writing. (Cube lube? I know, I know the name is….well never mind.

And there was this: I wouldn’t have noticed the branches of the bare trees silhouetted against the sun rising through clouds or felt the three-year-old’s little body slam against me as he said, “I love you, Nonni." I wouldn’t have seen the long line of traffic waiting to enter the freeway into town, or watched a woman walking with a brown umbrella even though it wasn’t raining or sunny, or heard the daughters of the coffee shop owners giggling in the corner, or seen my PT’s new blonde highlights on her long dark hair. (Looks fabulous.)

I wouldn’t have thought how the coffee shop I sat in with Henry was so compact yet held so many things—the refrigerator filled with a huge variety of drinks, marinated feta cheese and other lovelies, the paintings of flowers on the walls, the trash and bussing tubs stashed beneath a display of snacks—and how this might be good inspiration for the coffee shop in the novel I’m writing.

I wouldn’t have noticed any of these things because I would have been home staring at my computer screen. On days when I’m cranky because my writing time has been interrupted by an exuberant child, or a needy husband, or my desire to chuck it all and join my friends for a glass of wine, I need to remind myself that nothing can be truer than this: the people and things we love in life take us away from our writing, and yet they are what give us something to write about.

And it’s up to me to figure out how to balance them with my writing. But can you think of a better problem to have than that? I can’t.

Love, light, and good writing,

Charlotte

P.S. Let me know how you are balancing life and writing these days!

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Books

I forgot to thank my lovely readers who shared book suggestions over the last few weeks. I love getting new titles to read.

The Search, by Michelle Huneven. I found this book on my shelf in my desperate effort to pull myself out of my reading slump. It has rested on the shelf, untouched, for at least a couple years. I know this because I have the hard-back edition and a paperback has been released. The novel is the story of a Unitarian Universalist congregation’s search for a new minister, mostly about the search committee. I grew up attending a UU church and my family has a long history with it in ways I will not bore you with so this book interested me. Huneven is a really good writer and I’m enjoying this so far. Fingers crossed it will not be a DNF. Update: Still reading. Still liking but also getting antsy.

Don’t Look at Me Like That, and Somewhere Towards the End, both by Diana Athill. The first is a novel, her only one, and the second a memoir, one of several she wrote. We’re pairing this books by this Brit author for our England writing workshop. The novel was written when she was a young woman, and the memoir as she approached her death. The memoir made her, at age 91, a surprise literary star. I’m excited to dig into both of these.

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Watching

9-1-1. This is hilarious—and embarrassing. I was watching Jeopardy on Thursday night and kept seeing promos for this TV drama. Much to the hub’s consternation, which was announced with heavy sighs and lots of eye-rolling, I decided to watch it. I haven’t tuned into something like this in years, and I mean that literally. It was so badly good. Angela Bassett and Jennifer Love-Hewitt are in it. And I’m waiting with bated breath for next week’s episode because Angela and her husband are on a cruise that is being attacked by terrorists. I think she’s going to save the ship, though.

I’m planning on going onto loftier pursuits this weekend and start watching all the Academy Award movies I’ve missed.

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Articles and Resources

A new kind of publishing? (NYT gift link)

Another take on the topic that’s been going around here: writing on the regular. \

*Austin Kleon’s “intermission” method of watching long movies. (They are all long these days.)

Intermissions

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Events

There’s still room in our creative writing workshops in France and Italy next year. But—France is filling up fast! Two people have signed up in the last week. See more here. And let me just add: future you is going to be sooooo happy that you committed to a week in Céret, France, or Perugia, Italy to further your writing career and your world travels! Reply to this email if you want to learn more.

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Have a great week, guys, and I’ll see you back here next Sunday. Paid subscribers get a mid-week extra on Wednesdays, too.