The Stories We Tell About Writing and Ourselves

We're humans. We tell stories. Sometimes they don't serve us.

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Three Stories

(They all link back to writing, I promise.)

Story one

There’s a kid who lives in my neighborhood. I’ll call him Kevin. He’s around eight. For the last several years, he’s had a reputation as the problem child. Terribly impulsive, didn’t listen, talked the other kids into doing naughty things. Adults tsked about him, and rolled our eyes. I have to admit I was anything but patient with him. But then suddenly I started hearing occasional good things about Kevin. He was starting to listen. And then more good reports. Not so impulsive. Being helpful. The stories told about him took a positive turn. And damned if his behavior didn’t also. He’s not perfect—what kid is? But he’s actually pretty fun to have around.

Story two

A writer wanted to hire me to coach him. I’ll call him Carl. A publisher was going to publish his book, but it needed editing. A lot of editing. (It turned out his publisher was a vanity press, one in which the writer pays to have it published. Also one that clearly took any submission without regard to readiness.) This writer had a date in mind for his book to be published (keyed to a personal anniversary) and in order to meet that date, had a deadline that was coming up fast. But the manuscript was not going to be in shape in time. No way, no how. It was more a collection of notes than a fully developed story. But he would not budge from his desire to meet that deadline and we parted ways.

Story three

I have a friend on social media who always has issues. Lots of them. Physical, mental, emotional, financial, you name it. Let me be clear before I go farther that I do not mean to shame, blame or judge here. I’m doing my best to observe dispassionately. And what I observe is that this person is stuck in their story. MORE This plays out on SM for them but I’ve also seen it in writers that I work with.

What do these stories have in common? In every one, the protagonists lived the story they were telling or told about themselves. In Kevin’s case, it turned out well. Once adults started telling more positive stories about him, his behavior changed for the better. Carl’s case didn’t have such a happy ending. He was so wedded to the story he had about his book that he couldn’t stop and take the time it needed to be rewritten properly. And in Vicky’s case, she was so mired in the same old stories she told about herself that she kept creating similar circumstances.

Our Stories

Stories matter. The stories we read in books, online, in the news media, all matter. And so do the stories inside our brains. These stories can be ones we tell ourselves or ones that others tell us and we believe and then we start to tell them to ourselves. Or maybe the prevailing view of the cultural zeitgeist has infected us. As Jennifer Pastiloff says in her book, On Being Human, “I’ve had (I have) so many bullshit stories. It’s all part of this being human thing.”

Not only do we have the bullshit stories, we live them. We live the stories we tell about our writing. I see it over and over again in the writers I work with. We—you and I—believe the stories we tell about ourselves and our writing. And then they keep repeating themselves. It’s a chicken and egg thing. We create stories out of experiences we’ve had and then we continue to tell those stories in order to uphold them.

Here are some stories I tell about writing: I’m not good enough, I’m too old, I don’t write as well as ________, I’m not good on social media so I can’t sell books, I give up too easily, I don’t work hard enough, I should write faster…..I could go on and on but you get the picture. And you probably have some of the same stories that you tell yourself. Or perhaps totally different ones, but similar in their negativity.

But. You’re a writer. I’m a writer. And what’s one of the most important things we do? That’s right—we rewrite. You wouldn’t dream of submitting a manuscript that hadn’t been rewritten at least once, would you? Nope. And neither would I.

You know where I’m going with this.

You can rewrite the stories that you tell about yourself. You can and you must, so that you don’t keep recreating them. You can do this in your head, for sure, and it is important to be aware of these thoughts. But since you are a writer, I submit that you consider writing them down as a starting point.

Try this

An easy (okay maybe simple is a better word here because changing our stories and thoughts around them is hard work) process:

—Make a list of all the negative stories you tell yourself about your writing. Get them out on the page.

—Choose one, set a timer and write more about it.

—Now, rewrite it. What’s the opposite of what you’ve written? What’s the most positive spin on it? Write it out in all its glory.

—And now set your brain to rewrite mode also. When you catch yourself thinking your old story, tell yourself the new one.

This writing and mindset exercise is perfect for early morning writing when your brain isn’t yet awake enough to criticize your efforts. (Same might be true for you late at night.) It’ll take you fifteen minutes or less but the effects will be far reaching. I’m a huge believer in changing thoughts and mindsets in order to get where you want to do.

And yes, your new story may sound like a cringe-worthy Instagram post—living my best life! Loving what is! Upleveling my writing career! But never you mind. Do it anyway. Your writing, your writing career, your happiness and probably even your family and friends will thank you.

I HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.

I’m planning my first workshop for paid subscribers. It will be sometime in September after everyone has gotten back into their routines and the topic is going to be, wait for it: Plotting for Pantsers and Pantsing for Plotters. Several of my clients requested this and I cannot wait to dig in. When it comes to plotting and pantsing, most will convince you that never the twain shall meet. But I think each camp has much to offer the other and that often a middle road is the best. I’ll explain all in the workshop!

When you subscribe at the $8 a month level, you’ll get access to this class and others I’ll offer monthly going forward. Founding members get a one-on-one coaching session upon sign-up!

Also, I can help you with the stories you tell yourself and your mindset and anything related to writing and getting words on the page. A couple of my clients have gone on hiatus so I have room for one more writer on my roster. This could take the form of ongoing book coaching, or a manuscript evaluation. If you’re interested, drop a comment. Or reply to this post if it comes into your inbox.

Happy last days of summer!