I've Been Thinking About...What Your Inner Critic Would Like You to Know
(And tips for dealing with it)
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In this latest of my some-time series called I’ve Been Thinking, I discuss our inner critics. I’ve seen it bandied about a lot recently, so I thought it was time to weigh in.
But first, it’s Thanksgiving week here in the states and that means it is traditionally time for some gratitude. I am grateful for you, my subscribers, free and paid, and anyone else who has happened to stumble across this newsletter. Thank you so much for taking the time to be here with me. Feel free to respond to this newsletter by hitting reply or leave a comment at any time. And, since it is a time for gratitude and I’m grateful for you, I’ve made you a little thing that I hope will help you get to the page and stay there consistently. Keep scrolling (but do read as you scroll), it’s at the bottom.
So, the inner critic. My thoughts on him (mine is a him, yours may be a she, they, it, whatever)? Love him to death. Not. Although as a tactic for dealing with him, the ole IC, it’s not a bad idea. Shooting some love beams towards the things that antagonize you is an excellent way to change things. (The problem is, it’s hard to keep your energy high enough to send love to the things you hate.)
Anyway, years ago, back in the golden days of blogging when I wrote the original Wordstrumpet blog, I wrote a lot about the inner critic. I usually avoid going back and reading what I wrote back in the day, but today for some reason I decided I would. And I found this little gem:
What Your Inner Critic Would Like You to Know
1. We love to make a lot of noise. We can't help it, making noise is our nature. And most often you'd probably think of it as discordant noise. That's because we're the aggregation of years of the negative messages you've received–the teacher who made red marks all over your paper, your cranky grandma, your alcoholic father who raged at you, your bitter aunt.
2. We also like to lie. We tell you that what you're writing is a stinky, steaming pile of crap when really its a deep lyrical essay. We say that your house is a mess and your family hates you for it when really they are so, so happy that you are at your desk writing. We tell you that you are stupid, fat, ugly, no good down to your very soul, when really you are a beautiful, spirited child of the universe.
3. We can be tamed. It takes consistent effort, but we can be trained to be quiet. We don't like it (see #1), but it's the truth. We can be tamed with this process: acknowledge the negative thought we offer, release it, and replace it with a positive thought. The thing we actually love about this process is that you really have to do it over and over again and many of you get bored and quit. And then we can run wild and free again.
4. We accept negotiations. Maybe you can give us something to do while you're busy writing the first draft and then call us in for the editing rounds? Perhaps you can send us off to practice yelling and screaming elsewhere until you're ready to do a grammar and spell check? Think about what how we could help you and then pitch us a deal. We might just agree.
5. We are not the boss of you. We like to make you think we are. It's so very easy to convince you that such is the case. A snide comment here, a negative remark there, and before you know it, you've slunk away from your desk before you've even written word one. The other Inner Critics will probably hate me for this, but here's a little tip: when all else fails, we respond well to war being waged on us. Stop slinking away, turn and face us and yell, "Shut the f@#$ up, you measly, slimy son of an old shoe!" And then we'll do exactly that.
Meet Your Inner Critic
What’s that you say? You don’t know who or what your inner critic is? There’s a process for that and I’m happy to share it with you here. And, please note, I’ve made this process into a PDF so that you can print it out and take it with you to your meditation chair or otherwise quiet place (in my house it’s often the bathroom, with the bonus there’s a fan for white noise) and introduce yourself to your IC. Take your journal, too, because after you meet him (she/it/they), you’re going to write. (I usually save PDFs for paid subscribers only, but it’s Thanksgiving, so I’m offering it to all.)
It’s likely your IC tells you often that you are not good enough. It is one thing to tell your critic to shut up, but it doesn’t really work. And if you continue to listen to him, it’s way too easy to get derailed. Instead—meet your critic head on and disarm him. Here’s how—by giving him an image and a name. I met mine years ago. His name is Patrick and he looks like a Will Ferrell in Elf, only small and not nearly so goofy and friendly. Instead, Patrick is a bit of a prig. Let’s go ahead and have you meet your critics and then I’ll tell you a trick to deal with her or him.
The Process
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths
Think about how you feel when you are being critical of your writing.
See if any images come up—color, energy, sound, smell?
Hold with whatever you are getting and let it come into form. It might be an animal, a human-type creature, or something totally abstract.
Now open your eyes and write. More details will emerge as you do. Write a description of what you saw or felt and then see if you can give it a name. Go with whatever comes to you. It might be weird, but then so is your inner critic. Even a purple circle with the name Stan works.
Here’s the deal: after you have identified your critic, you can talk to him. I made a pact with Patrick years ago: he lies quiet while I write rough drafts, write in my journal, and do free writing. In return, as soon as I begin editing and rewriting, Patrick is up and at ‘em, ready to help me out. Because that is where Patrick excels—at being critical. Sometimes I forget about Patrick and he gets cranky, very cranky. But then he jumps up and down to get my attention, generally when I am first starting on a project. Then I remind him of your deal. And then he's content to go hang out wherever it is he hangs out until I call him forth.
You may strike the same sort of bargain with your IC. Or you may send him away to do something. I’ve heard that ICs like quests. Long, fruitless quests. Like maybe, looking for the formula to turn tin into gold. Or, more to the point, they key to turn your WIP into a bestseller. (Which is not necessarily a fruitless endeavor.) But please do remember that the point of this exercise is to help you and your writing. Don’t let your IC take over and turn against you.
It’s a stupidly simple process, but it works. I had one client do it and tell me her IC was her third-grade teacher who red-lined every assignment she turned in. Another’s was a monster who looked suspiciously like Godzilla. So give it a try. And report back if you feel so inclined. I'd love to hear what shape your own critic takes.
Here’s that PDF. Happy Thanksgiving to those of you in the states and and happy week to the rest of you.
There was a resident being in a house we lived in thirty years ago who we deemed responsible for hiding things that could not be found when they were needed.
He was called James, hailed from a nameless village a little west of Aberdeen, and (according to my children) had red hair and wore a pink tutu.
We left him behind for the new owners.
When we came to this house, we discovered it to have a black hole that absorbed things at inconvenient moments…with time the black hole has changed and become a safe place.
As in, “I can’t find _______ (insert whatever), Mumsie (me) must have put it in a safe place”.
Life’s interesting enough dealing with the shifting sands of the safe place, I don’t think I want to visualise an inner critic.
It might well conjure an older, grumpier iteration of James, and while I do love a Scottish accent, I’m over being criticised by men….
Love this, Charlotte--and I'm totally doing this exercise so I can name my IC and tell it to buzz off until it's needed. 🤣 I love your perspective and thoughtful tips--they always help me out! Thanks so much for all that you share. I always look forward to your letters!