How to Deal With Rejection

Into each writer's life, some rain must fall

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We interrupt our regular programming for this vital refresher course on dealing with rejection. Because: Dial Press. It has come to my attention through talks with clients and other writer friends that the publisher has sent rejections and requests for manuscript to all those who recently submitted.

What’s this about, you say? In August, Dial Press announced on Instagram that they would be opening to non-agented submission. (For those of you new to the submitting game, all of the Big Five presses require you to have an agent to submit your work. If you as a non-agented writer send them a query or a manuscript, they’ll ignore or delete it.) In another recent post on Instagram, the press announced they had contacted all those who had submitted with either a yay or nay.

And I’d already heard from several of my people that they’d received rejections. Lovely rejections, but rejections just all the same. The odds were stacked against them to begin with—Dial said they’d received over 1500—and several of my clients submitted as simply an exercise in putting themselves out in the world. But, nevertheless, rejection stings.

And so today, I thought I’d offer a primer on how to deal with it, because there’s probably around 1475 writers out there feeling morose thanks to Dial. What follows is a list of all the reassuring things designed to soothe writers after rejection, but first I must tell you the following. I know that in the initial slap of it, nothing but nothing makes you feel better. Instead, if you’re anything like me (and I’ve experienced shit tons of rejection in my writing life) you’ll feel stricken. You’ll take it personally. You’ll feel shame that you are not good enough and guilt that you aren’t better. You might feel despair and anger and envy for those who did get a nod. And so my first point in helping you cope is:

The only way out is through

You have to let yourself feel all of those above-named emotions. Yeah, it sucks and it hurts and nobody wants to go through it, but you must. In order to heal, you have to feel. If you don’t allow yourself to do that, those emotions will fester right beneath the surface. And then they’ll pop up in some odd but related way—like giving you such torturous self-doubt that you never submit again. So, to quote Dylan Thomas, “rage, rage against the dying of the light.” You’ll feel better soon, trust me.

Onward

Now on to the reassuring bits, which, honestly and truthfully and cross my heart and hope to die are all true. So pay attention. Listen up. (I’m yelling at you because I know when you’re in the throes of rejection you resist anyone telling you anything positive.)

Remember, this rejection means you’re one step closer to an acceptance

Yes, you are. Don’t argue with me. Save your energy for your next submission. Because there will be one as soon as you raise your head from the pillow you’ve been sobbing into. (See next point.) The only way you are going to get published is to keep submitting. (Also see below.) A publisher is not going to knock on your door and ask to see the manuscript hidden on your computer.

Publishing is a numbers game.

Don’t be conservative. I’ve heard so many stories of writers despairing after querying one hundred agents—only to get an acceptance with number 101. Or variations on these numbers. Whatever you do, don’t quit. It’s not over for a long time yet.

Publishing is an incredibly subjective business.

This is the language of many a rejection, but it is true. Agents and editors are human and they have differing tastes in reading, just as we all do. Think of how different your reading selections are from, say, your spouse’s, or your sister’s, or your mother’s. It would be a boring world if the opposite were true. And the only thing this means is that while agent number one might not connect with your novel, perhaps agent number two will. You just have to find the one who will love it.

Nobody knows what is going to make a novel succeed.

The current flavor of the month might not be yours. But it also will likely be completely different next month—and perhaps it will be yours. Genre popularity goes up and down in cycles, as do the whims of editors. Example from the movie industry: you can bet with the popularity of Barbie, we’re going to see films based on dolls, even though Barbie is about waaaay more than that.

Okay, now that you have finished reading this piece, moped around a bit and processed your feelings, go forth and submit some more!

And also, I’d love to hear your tips for surviving rejection. Got any tips to add?

Beta Readers

I’m looking for beta readers for my soon to be released romance/women’s fiction novel. In case you’re not familiar with beta readers, they are basically, well, readers. You read to give the author feedback on character, plot, what interested you, what didn’t. It’s an unpaid gig (sorry) but when the book is published I’ll provide you with a copy and my eternal thanks. Here’s a link that tells more. It’s oriented towards the author and is probably TMI, but it will give you an idea what to expect. Reply to this email or drop a comment if you’re interested. I have room for one more.

Paid subscriptions

I’m planning my first workshop for paid subscribers. It will be sometime in September after everyone has gotten back into their routines and the topic is going to be, wait for it: Plotting for Pantsers and Pantsing for Plotters. Several of my clients requested this and I cannot wait to dig in. When it comes to plotting and pantsing, most will convince you that never the twain shall meet. But I think each camp has much to offer the other and that often a middle road is the best. I’ll explain all in the workshop!

When you subscribe at the $8 a month level, you’ll get access to this class and others I’ll offer monthly going forward. Founding members get a one-on-one coaching session upon sign-up!

Also, I can help you with your writing and anything related to writing and getting words on the page. This could take the form of ongoing book coaching, or a manuscript evaluation. If you’re interested, drop a comment. Or reply to this post if it comes into your inbox.