Feel the Fear

And write it anyway

Photo by Vadim Bogulov on Unsplash

Hello lovelies,

I’m sorry! I know that title and sub-title make up one of the lamest cliches on the planet. But I had to use it.

Because this week I did two scary things.

I went to the dentist and the doctor.

I know you’ve fallen off your chair because you are laughing so hard. How could I, a woman of a certain age, be afraid of dentists and doctors? It’s not like I haven’t seen my fair share of dentist’s chairs and doctor’s tables. So I don’t know, don’t ask, it’s ridiculous. My paternal grandfather (who died long before I came on the scene) was a doctor, for god’s sake. And yes, yes, I did undergo major surgery in November. But that was different for some reason. Don’t ask me why. I can’t explain it. The brain is a vast mystery. Especially my brain.

I have a lovely PCP (primary care person? Or is the P supposed to be physician?) who, when I explained to her that I hadn’t been in to see her in four years because of my fear of doctors, said, “Well, no worries, I’m a nurse practitioner.” Which I knew, of course and is one reason I like her. Because she always has lots and lots of time for me. So anyway, that visit went well, despite the fact that I waited nearly an hour. She helped me with my issue and gave me a couple prescriptions.

(And isn’t that what we always want? For the PCP to hand us a prescription and say, “Here, this will cure you.” Yes, yes it is.)

But the dentist was another story. It was an emergency visit because my implant was loose. So there was yanking with forceps and drilling to get the crown off. But it didn’t hurt! Because: fake tooth, no nerve endings. And also the dentist himself and his entire staff were absolutely fabulous in every way. Just like my PCP.

Thus, after much consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the problem is me. More to the point, my fears. I can’t escape the feeling that if only I’d gotten in to see both practitioners earlier (like, say, three years ago), life would have been easier.

Because fear makes it worse. It doesn’t matter what your fears are, they make things worse. Period. AND THIS APPLIES TO YOUR WRITING. I apologize. I hate it when people write in all caps but I had to this time because that sentence is important.

Fear makes things worse when you apply it you writing.

Now, nobody I know applies fear to their writing purposely. Or even consciously. But unconsciously when it’s there, it will hold you back. It will prevent you from writing down the truth as you feel it in your gut when you are working on your memoir. It will cause you to skip writing sessions, fail to send that query you slaved over, write superficially when you want to go deep.

But here’s the other thing: on the other side of fear is vast relief. And openness. And willingness. Openness that will allow stories to come through. A willingness to allow your voice to develop. When you walk through your fear and do the hard things, when you set aside your fear to write, when you put that paint on the canvas, you’ll feel relief like you’ve never imagined. You’ll have more energy than you have in ages.

So how do you do it? I have two things to say about that: one, only you can tell yourself how to do it. But you do know how. You won’t want to do it, though, because two, the answer is to walk through it. I don’t want that to be the answer, but it is.

Now excuse me I have an article query that’s been sitting on my desk for ages. I need to go send it.

Love, light, and good writing,

Charlotte

P.S. You know I love hearing from you! Leave a comment or hit reply and talk to me about fear (or writing, or life, or, I don’t know, grasshoppers).

P.P.S. PLEASE NOTE. There will likely be no love letter a week from today, May 5, because I will be newly arrived in England and not have had time nor energy (jet lag) to write one, even though my PCP has prescribed me meds that she assures me will give me energy galore. But I will resume my weekly missives thereafter.

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Articles and Resources

Okay, I have a series of related posts for you. First up, this piece by a Substacker who wrote about the publishing industry and raised a lot of hackles. Truth is, she wrote about the 2022 anti-trust trial and made some extrapolations and assumptions. Her piece is free and you can read it here. Oh, by the way, it was called No One Buys Books, so that kind of set the tone from the beginning. (I make it sound like it’s all bad. It’s not, or so I think. But I am far from an expert in the publishing industry.)

This post by Anna Sproul-Latimer, an industry veteran took issue with it. This is a paid post but quite a lot of it is free and the part that is free is very much worth reading.

And this post took issue as well. This one is short and free, by Kathleen Schmidt, a book publicist who always has interesting takes on things.

And here’s the Reddit discussion on No One Buys Books, because of course we need Redditors to weigh in.

Late-breaking news, J.T. Ellison mentions the article in her monthly newsletter, too.

Enough of that, right? On to books

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Books

The Writing Retreat, by Julia Bartz. Just started this one, a supposed “instant New York Times bestseller” and I’m not sure I’m going to like. Our heroine, Alex, gets invited to an exclusive writing retreat (of course) at the estate of a famous horror writer. Horrible things ensue. We’ll see how it goes, not my usual cup of tea. Update: I got really into this book at first, despite my initial misgivings. And I’ve really enjoyed most of it. But the closer I get to the end, the farther away it feels. Since I’m not a regular gothic/horror reader, I think there are tropes (is being stuck in a locked basement room one of theme?) that I don’t appreciate.

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Events

Overseas Workshops

We’ve written several new blog posts about the location of our France workshop and why we love it so much. You can read about art and artists in Céret, the crazy annual footrace there, and best of all, the wonderful local bakeries. There’s only a couple spots left, so nab them now. And here is the promised interview with our guest resident Angela M. Sanders (written by the wonderful Shari Lane, who has a book coming out May1!)

And here is the most recent blog post about Perugia.

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Other places to connect with me:

Instagram (trying to get back on there more regularly)

My website (badly in need of an upgrade)

Our workshop website

My original blog (now for archive purposes only, no longer updated)

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