A Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
A Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
Everybody Gets Nervous
Everybody Gets Nervous
The other day a friend — I’ll call her Delia — and I were talking about another friend — I’ll call her April — who seems fearless in everything she does. She’s carved out a successful writing career, has a fabulous, unique, home, tons of friends and a life full of travel.
Delia told me that she was shocked, absolutely shocked, when April recently confessed to being nervous about something.
“I thought April never got nervous about anything!” Delia said.
“Of course she gets nervous. Everybody gets nervous. But the key with April is that she feels the fear and does it anyway.”
I remember years ago, being alone in an unfamiliar city, staying at a house in a very bad neighborhood, and cowering every night as violent storms swept through.
I was freaking terrified.
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And part of me was also glorying in it all. Because I was there. I was doing it. I wasn’t letting fear hold me back. On that same trip I read an article about Anderson Cooper. He said something to the effect that most of the time when he was reporting a story in a far-flung location, he was terrified. But he did it anyway.
The difference between people who go out and do the things they want to do and those who don’t sometimes comes down to the nerves. And so, if you want to be the type who goes out in the world, I offer some tips for overcoming the fear.
(And please be aware that I’m talking about garden-variety nervousness here, not anxiety that takes over your life and makes it difficult to do anything. If you struggle with that, please seek help.)
Nerves or Excitement?
Feeling nervous is not comfortable. But, as many others have pointed out, it is nearly the exact same feeling as being excited. The butterflies in the stomach, the pounding heart, the dry mouth.
One thing you can do when you’re overcome by nerves is recast it as excitement. Remember, they cause similar physical reactions. Sometimes, to calm down, what you need to do is remind yourself of that. And also remember that it is normal to feel nervous and excited at the same time.
Take a Breath
Our breath is miraculous, and never more so than when we’re feeling anxious or overwrought. The simplest thing in the world, and one of the most effective, is to take a few deep breaths. Count to five as you inhale, then hold for five more seconds, and count to five as you exhale. Repeat a few times. You’ll feel much calmer.
Talk Kindly to Yourself
Yeah, yeah, I know. But it is astounding how negatively we speak to ourselves. We indulge in a constant stream of belittling and criticism. You’re stupid. You’re ugly. You’ll never be successful. And so on and so forth, the thoughts endlessly looping around the brain. Try thanking them and turning them into a positive. Or, as Geneen Roth, says, sometimes you just have to scream at them to shut the hell up. And then you can tell yourself something nice.
But Most Important!
Do it. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You’ll live, I promise. (Unless you’re jumping out of a plane of something like that. Then I have no guarantees for you.)
And if you need more help, this book, whose title I borrowed, is terrific:
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers, Phd.
Then let me know how it works out for you.
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